Ever been banned from attending a celebration?

With Sunday’s Oscars looming around the corner, Nicholas Chartier reached out to his fellow academy award members by writing a simple but provocative email, imploring them to vote for his small independent film, The Hurt Locker – and not that big behemoth $500 million dollar blockbuster, Avatar.

His efforts backfired.

Not only did the Academy rebuke Chartier for violating Oscar rules that prohibit mailings promoting a film and disparaging another, but they’ve banned him from the ceremony itself.

So even if The Hurt Locker wins big time, Chartier will not be hopping on stage with his fellow producers to accept the academy award for best picture.

Imagine a chance of a lifetime to be in front of 40 million people, and instead, poor Chartier must stay home with the kids, eating a Hungry Man TV dinner, and watching the ceremony on his ten-year-old Toshiba.

Can one email really end a career?

Certainly, it might be rare to lose one’s job or in this case be banned from a celebration, but it’s not unusual to hear management complain about arrogant, attitude-ridden emails that violate ethical, moral, or professional etiquette.

To be fair, Chartier immediately bounced an email back apologizing. “”My naïveté, ignorance of the rules and plain stupidity as a first-time nominee is not an excuse for this behavior and I strongly regret it,”

But it came too late. Damage was done. The film may not win because of this email. And Chartier will go down in history as the only producer ever banned from the Academy Awards.

So what could Chartier have done differently that would have changed not only his fate, but the success of his film? What can we learn from his mistakes?

Here are three rules to consider before sending the email that could ruin your career:

1. Never put anything in writing that you might regret afterwards. Don’t do it. In fact, don’t even write it on the computer. If you need to express your feelings in writing, use a pen. Write on paper. And then burn it afterwards.

2. Always get feedback before sending an email that might spark controversy. In this case, Chartier should have picked up the phone, called an academy board member, and asked, “How would you feel if I sent an email out asking voters to support my little film?”

Do your research first before writing the email.

3. Never overreach your boundaries via email.

Chartier basically overstepped his bounds. He criticized a competitor and begged voters to support his film.

Be careful of interspersing your hidden values or moral preferences.

The competitor –the director or Avatar— was once married to the director of The Hurt Locker, so embedded in this contest is a whole other level of social/political even sexual intrigue voters may have gleaned from this email.

Why are emails so easily misunderstand?

This misinterpretation – or “reading within the lines” – happens all the time in business.

Recently the President of a large electronic firm innocently moralized to his staff, asking
everyone to join him in a physical fitness program instead of sitting at home watching American Idol.

Big mistake. He not only implied that his staff was fat and lazy, but he insulted his group by
labeling their favorite show, American Idol, as a complete and utter waste of time.

Who are you to judge me – Mr. Play-Golf-At-The-Country-Club-Every-Weekend?

Want to write an awesome email – free of baggage?

Now it could very well be that voters will ignore Chartier’s stupidity and vote for the film they feel deserves “Best Picture.” But we live in an age where we are generously influenced by social media and television commentary. No one lives in a cave anymore, and that is true in business as well. Gossip spreads fast. An innocent but disparaging email could sink your reputation or be grounds for your dismissal.

For information on how to write an awesome email – free of baggage – check out my chapter on Email Road Rage in The Mouth Trap: Strategies Tips and Secrets to Keep Your Foot Out of Your Mouth. You can also receive a copy of that chapter free by simply emailing me a request: gary@theemailwizard.com

And for information on seminars and workshops, visit www.theemailwizard.com or call me directly at 1-866-974-8333.

You’d think he was fightin’ mad.

After only seven months on the job, he and (his entire staff) were fired this week.

He lost what has sometimes been called the best job in the world.

And he’s being replaced by the very person who had the job originally.

But Conan O’Brian spoke of his job loss at NBC with his usual flair and sense of humor.

“Tonight I am allowed to say whatever I want. No, I really am,” he said, prefacing what the audience expected to be an outpour of sarcasm and vitriol. But, no, he diplomatically praised NBC and thanked the company for all that they did for him in the past twenty years.

That, my friends, is how you do it.…with kindness, sincerity, and discretion. If you lose your job or suffer the loss of an important client, even if you feel it’s unfair, unwarranted and plain wrong, it makes sense to filter your words so you say the right thing.

Burning your bridge in 21010 means you’ll have no where to go should opportunities ever come your way.

Here are tips to help you filter what you’re thinking and make smart choices of what to say:

1. Make a list of everything that’s bothering you – what makes you angry, frustrated, and even vindictive.
2. Take full responsibility for each of these. How did I contribute to this problem?
3. What issues are worth sharing with my boss?
4. By sharing this with your boss, will any of this help you keep your job or move you in a direction where you can expect a positive referral?
5. If there is no real rhyme or reason to share (it won’t help your future), say nothing.
6. In that case, thank your power people at work for everything they’ve done. Show appreciation. Keep both feet in the business until the day you leave. And feel proud that if you left your business today, you can depend on your boss for a positive referral.

Conan’s farewell speech came probably after many days of heated negotiation. But we didn’t feel any of that when he spoke the other night because he showed restraint as well as humility.

. Once the anger subsides and logic kicks in, you can make smart decisions that may prove valuable some day. You never know who you may bump into or need as a referral.
The business world is a lot smaller than you think.

Are important ideas being ignored at work?

You come up with a great idea that you feel will enhance the work environment, maybe even save time and money! But the supervisor doesn’t want to hear it.

“We just don’t’ do things that way, Gary.”

“You might want talk to Phil about it. I don’t have time right now.”

Or worse yet – “Whatcha been drinking, kid? A computer you could hold in your hands? That doesn’t make any sense at all.”

So many businesses lose great people because they stymie their creativity and their suggestions by belittling, ignoring, or even punishing the “idea” carriers for thinking outside the box.

Someone once said, “Ignorance is bliss,” but in business, “Ignorance is disaster.” We listen to ideas so we can grow. Otherwise, we invent our own competitors.

My father once told me that when he worked in the upholstery business, he came home frustrated and angry not because people didn’t hear his ideas, but that they simply ignored them.” I saw upholstery as more than just fabric. It was the environment people lived in, and I felt the company should market upholstery like you would a trip to the Bahamas. Now, my boss thought I was too young and too ignorant, and he’d sidestep my suggestions, tell me to just focus on my sales job, and then call me ‘kid.’”

So at 32 years old, my dad walked out but he took his brothers with him, and they started their own upholstery company, which turned into Riviera Convertible Sofas (with franchises all over California). The phrase “Live on the Riviera, Convertible Sofa, That is” more or less capitalized on my dad’s quest to reinvent the furniture business as a lifestyle: Come home and feel like you’re on vacation.

The upholstery company my dad worked for went out of business, and Riviera (still around today) survived as a sofa company for nearly 30 years.

What ideas are you ignoring at work? Who are you cutting off and what does that say to your staff about your tolerance for creativity and input?

The greatest way, I think, to increase your competition, is to devalue and de-validate your employees, forcing them to express themselves in other ways. They’ll seek revenge by stealing from you or starting their own business, neither is a good alternative to good, plain open conversation where employees feel heard, understood, and at the very least, appreciated.
Tune into some horror stories of people who have been ignored at work and what businesses they started on their own. It’s our pre-Halloween special on blogtalkradio.com The Consultant/Insultant Show with Dr. Brian and Dr. Gary. Wednesday October 21 at 7 a.m.

What’s the #1 story in the news today?

“Yes, I did have relations with several women who worked on my staff,” said David Letterman on live television last Thursday, explaining that he divulged this information to jump the gun on a blackmail attempt made (allegedly) by one of NBC’s producers.

Today it was the hot topic of discussion everywhere….in board rooms, at mommy and me classes, and on news stations everywhere including ABC’s chat fest, The View.

Barbara Walters, one of the hosts of The View, remained very defensive of Letterman. She reminded the audience he did this before he was married. He was single. He was shy. “Where else are you supposed to meet people – except in the workplace?”

On the other hand, Lisa Ling, a guest panelist, scoffed at any defense of Letterman’s ‘reckless behavior.’ “When you’re the boss,” she said, “keep your friend in your pants.”

And though ABC admitted to having no formal dating policy, the network does enforce a very stringent sexual harassment policy, and this scandal has – at least so far- not entered into that territory.
. . . .

My immediate impression is that reckless sexual behavior always creates havoc in the workplace.

Though Letterman may survive this, who knows where this case may go? A former intern of the show may now claim she was overlooked and disregarded because she didn’t have sex with him. And viewers may form an unfavorable impression on Letterman that may lead to cancellation of advertisers, lower viewership, and even (God forbid) the end of The Letterman Show.

Sex in 2009 Corporate America may have changed slightly over the past twenty years: We’re now not only scared of herpes, AIDS and other diseases, but sexual harassment law suits are prevalent and expensive, decimating profits and ruining careers.

But besides that – the issues are always the same. If you have sex with someone at work, who is married – what are you thinking? Inevitably, it breaks up marriages. If the relationship is between the boss and the secretary or workers from different hierarchies and departments – it affects hiring practices. Will one give the other a break? Will there be repercussions when the relationship dissolves? Can I depend on a letter of recommendation if I no longer have sex with you?

“It’s a real mess,” declares one therapist I spoke to. “More times it’s simply libido gone wild. Most times it involves a man who simply doesn’t have the ability to control his private parts. And when it’s the reverse— the woman going after the man – even in 2009–such goings on create tension, initiate gossip, stall productivity, and engender a variety of small talk and games that can destroy jobs. It’s simply not worth it.”

So how does one deal with unwanted advances? If you notice people at work forming a relationship, what do you do? What if it affects your workload? Your morale? Your productivity? Your future?

Tune into blog talk radio as Dr. Gary and Dr. Brian address your concerns, questions, and issues regarding the big elephant in the workplace: SEX!

When Manuel, the sales VP, delivered –on time– the agenda for the three day conference in Palm Desert, his boss rewarded him with a $500 American Express gift certificate and a standing ovation at that afternoon’s meeting. The only problem was this: Manuel didn’t do any of the work. His secretary, Alicia, came up with the ideas. She solicited suggestions from the staff. She rewrote, revised, and creatively designed each meeting, lunch, and breakfast, and she even kept after Manuel to prioritize his schedule so that he’d turn the agenda in on time.

When Alicia heard about Manuel’s rewards, (and heard not a word of praise from Manuel), she very calmly went to her computer, simply put together all her emails to Manny, warning him he’ll miss his deadline, and made copies of all the notes she took, showing (very clearly) that the titles and agenda and summaries were hers, not Manny’s.

Her message to the CEO was clear and succinct: “I don’t mind at all being the eyes, ears, and the brains behind this conference. It’s what makes my job exciting. I would just like some credit for it.”
Every day people take credit for someone else’s ideas, and this causes turmoil in the office. Not only does it damage morale, but it creates an atmosphere of lies and deception, not a pleasant atmosphere to work in.

Based on a real incident, the Manuel /Alicia confrontation turned into an interesting war of words. Join us at 7 a.m.,August 26, 2009 Blogtalkradio.com to hear what happened. Go to http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ConsultantInsultant with your questions and answers, We always look forward to hearing what drives you crazy in the office.

The above article was written by Dr. Gary Seigel author of The Mouth Trap. Gary@The Mouthtrap.com Dr. Gary & Brian co-host the Conultant/Insultant radio show on Blogtalkradio.com, http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ConsultantInsultant

Please e-mail Dr. Brian at Dr.Brian@DrBrianGrossman.com

Jodie’s boss recently exploded when she told him she was not up to speed on this new software they installed.

“You took a tutorial in it, didn’t you?” he yelled at her. He was obviously frustrated because they were behind in getting the data to the accountant, and the bank was holding back a loan until these figures were turned in.

Instead of having a live conversation, Jodie wrote this email:

“Look, Ernie, I have only been working on this for a week, and the tutorial was only half helpful. I have so many questions and it would be great if I take a whole day class in it at the software facility in Cleveland.
It’s a two day thing but that will get ME up to speed, and we’ll meet all our deadlines that way. I asked to go before. In fact, the manufacturer recommended it and included the tuition in the cost of the software package, but you said we couldn’t afford the time. If you could approve this, I’ll be up to speed as soon as I get back from the workshop.”

Not a bad email? Then, why did the boss get even more irritated at Jodie and turn what could have been a quick, in-office discussion into a battle of wills? How does one deal with all these different issues? Check in On Line at blogtalkradio.com Wednesday, August 19, 2009 at 8:00 AM PST for the Consultant/Insultant Radio show. We’ll talk about various ways Jodie could have handled this more effectively.

Ever sent off an angry email to a colleague and wished you hadn’t?
As we all know, whatever we put in writing can be held against us, and it’s not smart, these days especially, to put anything emotionally charged that might ultimately haunt our careers.

1. Save everything you write as a draft first, and never put the peson’s email address in the “to” column until after you’ve read over your writing.
2. Avoid all colloquialisms, metaphors, cliches, and any phrase that could be misinterpreted.
3. Let it sit before you send it.
4. Decide what goes in and what goes out. Is there anything in this email I might some day be held accountable for? Literally, go over every phrase and word.
4. Avoid words like “need,” “should”, “can’t” and “you.”
5. Let your grandmother read it before you send it.
6. Check and see all the famous people whose emails have virtually ruined their careers. Good piece of advice? Whatever you think you might get away with, think again. Keep fiction out of the email.
7. When in doubt, leave it out.