When Your Intelligence Runs Out of Power

Thursday at 5:47 p.m.
You’re tired. You’ve been at the office since 7 am, and you just want to go home, grab a beer, eat some dinner, and go to sleep.
Boss Calls for Help
Just as you head home, your company cell phone rings, and it’s Jack, your boss. “Look, I have three people I’m considering for this job, and I need your feedback. Could you meet me for a drink at Appleby’s?”
Afraid to say ‘no’ to your boss, you go for the drink, you offer the advice, and as you walk into the house late that night, your husband screams: “Where were you? You forgot your daughter’s BIG soccer game, and Timmy’s been waiting for you ALL night. His science project is due tomorrow!”
And to make matters worse, the next morning you hear through the grape vine your boss chose the candidate you least liked and didn’t have the courtesy to explain that to you in the morning.
When Your Intelligence Runs out of Power
Frustrated with yourself, upset at the way you disappointed your family, and angry with your boss for making you miss your appointments, you confront him in the hallway.
“If you are not going to respect the advice I give you, why ask for it in the first place!” (You idiot.) “ Oh…and one more thing!”
Here’s the Problem
If you had thought it out – the decision to meet with your boss, right then and there, may have been quite different. The frontal lobe of your brain functions like a fire chief, and when it’s rested and in control, that logistical command center can make smart, key decisions.
So at the time Jack asked for the meeting at Appleby’s, your command center kicks in and you say – very clearly – “I’d love to give you some advice, but I have two appointments this evening. Can we talk on the phone right now, or can I give you a call after 10 pm tonight?”
When our command center is powered up, it forces us to write dates in our calendar, plan our day early in the morning, and strategically think before we speak.
It also allows us to function without fear.
When we’re under pressure, however, the command center shuts down, and we sabotage ourselves by making spontaneous decisions. Remember ET’s advice: “Call home!” Well, you didn’t follow that advice. Before you set plans, make certain this hour at Appleby’s doesn’t conflict with events at home.
Two Solutions
First, the key to preventative maintenance (PM) is to take responsibility for decisions we make Powered up, the command center makes smart decisions that force us to write appointments down and check schedules first.
Secondly – if your boss makes a decision contrary to your beliefs, what can you say without using job-crushing words or obvious body language that will create trouble?
“Jack, how come you decided to go with X instead of Y, as I had suggested?”
Communication experts call this, “Language from the edge.” Ask questions first. Don’t assume anything.
Wait for Jack’s answer. It solves the puzzle. It avoids the drama, and gives you the back-story.

The Truth Will Set You Free (and help you keep your job)
“I went with X because Y turned down the offer.”
Find out the truth first before you jump to conclusions. It might save you hours of stress and aggravation.
For more help on saying it right the first time, hire Dr. Gary Seigel for an exciting, interactive, and inspiring day of training. gary@garyseigel.com